Monday, 14 November 2011

Do us all a favour Robbie - Retire from international football, effective immediately.

Thanks for everything Robbie.

You’ve done your best.

You really have.

But being honest - it just wasn’t quite good enough.

Now don’t you think it’s time you did us Irish a favour and retired from international football?

Preferably before the European Championships.

Preferably before Tuesday’s return leg against Estonia.

Let’s just say your performance in the first leg was the final straw.

Quite simply, you were muck.

I know you got 2 goals in an important match.


But 1 was a peno in fairness...

I know you set up Jon Walters with a brilliant cross.

As well as playing Stephen Hunt through to win the peno.

And you were also the player who drew the 2 fouls which saw 2 Estonians sent off.

But to be honest Robbie, I’m looking for more from an Irish striker these days than 2 goals, 1 and a half assists and getting 2 players sent off through your quickness of thought and speed of movement.

I want to see more to strikers in general than just goals and assists actually.

People will argue that you have 53 international goals.

More than Shearer, Owen, Lineker, Keegan or Charlton.

More than Rush, Hughes, Dalglish, Law or Best.

In fact, more than any British player.


Even though most of them were playing for far superior teams than you at the time.

But I always just felt your goals came against lesser nations.

And while Ireland never had a player good enough to score against the lesser nations until you came along, it’s the big games that count.

Like a Play-Off for a major tournament.

People will say you played in 4 Play-Offs and scored in 4 Play-Offs.

But I see the fact that you only scored 5 goals from those 6 games as being the reason we didn’t qualify from more of them.

I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself that you scored 3 goals (plus 1 more in the shoot-out) in the World Cup in 2002 and they were big games.

But one of those was against Saudi Arabia.

I don’t even know where that is Robbie.

I’ll give you the goals against Germany and Spain.

You deserve some credit.

But that still doesn’t change the fact that you are only really capable of scoring at home.

Away games against Holland, Italy and France excluded of course.

Or that cracker you got against Holland when we won 1-0.

Cause that was only a friendly.

But now it’s time for change.

Kevin Doyle is a much better player anyway.

He is 28 now and although Mick McCarthy is the only manager to spend proper money on him, it was €7.5m well spent.

Unlike yourself, who has had Gordon Strachan, Marcello Lippi, Dave O’Leary, Glenn Hoddle, Rafa Benitez and Harry Redknapp spend over €90m on you.

Kevin could get a move to someone like Internazionale, it’s just Wolves won’t sell him, that’s all.

Then there’s Shane Long as well.

23 goals in the Championship and West Bromwich Albion immediately threw €5.2m at Reading for him.

Yes Robbie, West Bromwich Albion.

And now we also have Leon Best.

He’s scored in 2 separate games in the Premier League this season.

He must start.

Along with Jon Walters.

He is also 28 and despite the fact that when you were 28 you had 33 internationals to your name, this guy has scored 3 goals in the Premier League this season.

3 goals Robbie.

He has to start ahead of you.

So, I appreciate your commitment and loyalty to the Irish side over the past 14 seasons but really, we’re not looking for someone who will turn up for every game and give 100% commitment no matter what.

You have given more to this country on the football pitch than anyone could ever ask of a player and have never once complained - but it’s time to move on now Robbie.

So all the Irish supporters who aren’t ‘fans’ of yours can experience what it’s going to be like when we’re well and truly fucked without you...


  1. ... and imagine how many he'd have scored if he was good.

  2. Ali Daei scored 109 goals in 149 matches. That's a return percentage of 73.1% ... for Iran ... a country whose international team were ranked 122 at one point.

    Robbie has a return percentage of 46.9% for Ireland for a team that has never been ranked lower than 57th.

    So does this mean that Ali Daei is the greatest striker to have ever played the game?

    Is he better than DiStefano, Raul, Henry?

    Oh and here's Alie Daei's amazing club history:

    Esteghlal Ardabil
    Bank Tejarat
    Arminia Bielefeld
    Bayern Munich
    Hertha BSC
    Al Shabab Dubai
    Saba Battery

    Yet, he has 109 international goals.

    So, we should conclude that he is the best international player of all time and accept that statistics can prove anything.

  3. "... and imagine how many he'd have scored if he was good."

    more than any irish player ever I'd say. oh wait, he's already done that!! He's not in the same league as a player like rooney or suarez or villa but he's by far the best ireland has ever produced. why don't we give as much abuse to doyle, long, best, stokes, walters or cox as they are nowhere near as good as rooney either!!

  4. Ali Daei? Stern John? Bashar Abdullah?

    Surely you would have to factor in that they don't play in Europe or South America?

    You cannot judge a player on his international career nor his club career alone. That is why Robbie Keane would be considered a better player than Ali Daei, who was an excellent player.

    But neither would be considered better than Ger Muller, Miroslav Klose or Romario for instance.

    They had massive success at club level AND at international.

  5. The biggest team that Wayne Rooney has scored against in a competitive match is Russia. Or Croatia.

    The rest of them came against Liechtenstein, Kazakhstan and Belarus etc.

    This just shows how little chance players get to play and score against 'big' teams. He is one of the best players in the world and his record can't get near Robbie Keane despite playing for a much better team!

    Go on Robbie!!!